The poem that inspired A Discreet Betrayal
A Discreet Betrayal: Marianne Curtis 2007
Forgiveness comes easy
Forgetting is much more difficult.
I look at him and wonder,
Does he want to be elsewhere?
With someone else?
Questions I’d never have thought of asking,
Until finding my trust was betrayed.
It’s difficult to suppress the pictures,
His grin, as he enjoys caressing someone else.
It’s a nightmare I wish I could block,
Its worse knowing the encounter was one of many,
He even shared “our” bed with some.
The condom on his desk should have clued me in.
Not knowing would have been less painful.
If only I could forget about the couple,
The countless women he cybers with,
Typing sweet nothings that should be mine.
Sneaky text messages, plotting meetings for “coffee”.
A discreet meeting in a movie theater,
During a flick that we’d talked about seeing together.
It hurts knowing I was waiting – to ensure my heart was pure.
Meanwhile, I was nothing – while he sowed his seeds of betrayal.
An endless trail of lies.
The reasons I should hate him are many.
I should have walked away and fast.
Instead I clung to his words, now I wonder if all were lies.
A new beginning shouldn’t hurt so much,
Suspicion lurks around each corner.
Harboring a jealous streak is least expected,
And angers me even more.
Even after saying his heart was true,
A fuck buddy he still does seek.
A letter, quickly hidden speaks volumes.
But worst of all is what its doing to me.
I want to trust, and believe in happy endings,
Yet I ask myself, at what cost?
Can I live with never knowing if I am the only one?
Can I ever be enough for him?
Can I walk away, and never look back?
Can I still love a man, that couldn’t wait.